Today I spent a good part of my day with my little cousins. Coming in at ages 2 and (almost) 4 they are the cutest kids. We played on the swings and did a bunch of other things. It was a lot of fun. So what is the problem?
Well it is complicated. I have always loved kids. I am some kind of kid magnet, they love me and I love them. We have a lot of fun together. I think the best example is when I met a co-workers daughter for the first time. She was very cute and naturally friendly but she had known me for about 15 minutes when she came over and put her head on my lap and rubbed my leg. It was pretty amazing. I guess I just naturally have the ability to understand and get along with kids. So why is it so hard these days to enjoy it?
Well, I do enjoy it, but after awhile I just need a break. I need to walk away and gather myself. I enjoy the time I spend with the kids but sometimes I need it to end. I have just come to realize that sometimes I need a break.
It is not just children, it is families... really families are worse. Seeing something I am not sure I can have is hard. So after a number of hours with my soon to be step-family today I was ready to be home. My now SUPER pregnant sister was also there. I am dealing with that much better than ever thought I could. I am still jealous and I always will be I am sure but at some point you just have to get past it and move on. So I am trying.
I was tired when I got home but was thrilled that the hubbers was still home. He was planning to head out for an overnight with friends and I didn't think I would see him. He was asleep when I left and would leave before I got home. He stayed long enough for me to get home and crash with him for a few. That was nice. I love the chance to have some down with him. We are active and I am out and about a lot as is he, so we don't always get the chance to just hang out.
So in the end what did I figure out today? Why did I write a blog today? Children don't understand what we are going through and we should never expect them to. So we continue to love them like we always have and we play with them and enjoy them. Then when we have to, we come up with a reason to leave. It happens a lot to me. There are kids around up at our River House all the time. So sometimes I just have to walk away. It is ok for me to do that. We have to continue to love kids like we always have. Not just because we love them and want to enjoy them but because they love us. They want to enjoy us and be with us as much as we want to be with them. So, for the love of kids... we put on our big girl panties and deal.
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