Am I ok?

So my blog can be pretty negative and I know some of my family and friends worry about me.  If I look back at my teenage years, I was not a happy person.  I wasn't a happy teenager.  I got by and did ok, but it was really more into my 18-19 and early 20s when I really started to learn who I was.  Each test I go through in life teaches me a little more about who I am.  I look back at the poems I wrote in school and I was pretty lonely and felt isolated.  That passed, just as this will pass as well.

I think the big question that a lot of people going through this ask themselves is, "Do I need help?"  That is something that only the person in the situation can answer.  So I ask myself... do you need help?  The answer is two parts.  Part 1 - yes I need the support and love of my friends and family that is help.  Part 2 - As of this moment no I do not need professional help.  I very clearly know that IVF has the chance of not working.  If it doesn't... (I don't even like to think that) then yes I will need professional help.  I am not
there yet people.  So chill out.  You know what my life is like?

I have a high stress, high intensity job.  I am not saving lives here people, but I am allowing for others to do it.  This means there is a lot on my plate most days.  I get work calls at all times of the night, at least once a week.  I travel between sites for meetings and updates.  This might not be the most stressful job in the world but it has its days.  Overseeing about 100 or so staff can be a challenge.  I love it.  I go home to a house that needs a little work and attention.  I have been out of grad school for less than a year and the hubby has been out of college for less than two months.  So life was crazy until just a few months ago.  Stress is something we know pretty well.  I do well with some stress in my life, I like being under the gun.  There are days I get overwhelmed and overtired.  I have to step back and make adjustments so I don't burn out, which I still do at least once or twice a year.  I burn the candle and both ends and then they meet in the middle and I crash and burn hard.  I know it happens, I expect it and I deal with it.

So what is the post really about?  It is just a post to say, I am ok.  I am really doing ok.  I have had a full month drug free to clear my head and feel normal.  I am ok.  I am strong and I will make it through whatever might happen.  There are days I question my strength and my stability but it is always there and it always will be.  So today is a good day and tomorrow will be good as well, and I am ok.