Holidays... Win/Fail?

I love quotes, can you tell?  I found this one a few months ago and used it as my phone lock screen for a long time.  I just gotta get there.... yeah sounds so freaking easy.

Holidays.... Jingle bells Jingle bells I have no eggs, the goods ones left, and I am screwed not matter what I try. 

Ok ok that isn't really true and please don't sing that more than a few times. Maybe not all holidays suck.  Let's start that the beginning of the year.

New Years!!!  - A day to remember that you have tried for yet another year to have a baby and all you have to show for it is.... about $40k in meds used, a sore butt from shots, and all those negative test... New Years is a fail.

Mother's Day - Do I really need to say anything here?  Let's celebrate the one thing in life that I want more than anything and can't seem to have.  Yeah major fail.

Memorial Day - Ok maybe I can enjoy this one... I get to open my summer place and have some time with family, not a waste.  WIN!

Father's Day - Again... Let's celebrate the one thing my hubby wants more than anything and can't seem to have.  And let's top it off by commercials and cards and gifts and all that jazz.  FAIL

July 4 - Assuming not one person asks me when we will be having kids this is a win for me.  I get to see my twin nieces who rock my socks off.  They are the cutest two little people in the world!  Win!

Labor Day - I hate this holiday because of the name only.  Honestly I really do.  We couldn't come up with a different name?  I don't know it is just annoying.  FAIL

Veteran's Day - Although a very important holiday in my mind I do not get off of work therefore in my world this is not a Holiday.  FAIL

Halloween - Oh wholly crap... right... kids and candy... the candy, sure I will take that... but my diet will not... FAIL

Thanksgiving - I LOVE Thanksgiving.  I love turkey and stuffing and all the stuff that goes with it.  So I will give this a WIN

Christmas - This might just be the worst the holiday (other than the aforementioned mother's and father's days) for me.  I have not liked Christmas for years, however it is worse now.  Let's celebrate the immaculate conception of a baby.... WHAT?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me?  Do you know what I would do to have that???  Anything!  We will do this by spending tons of money and pretending to give our kids gifts from a fat guy in a red suit.  The problem here.... I DON'T HAVE KIDS!!!!  I love the fat guy, really I do.  He always brought what I wanted and never really let me down.  However I now have found a new level of hate for Christmas.  Isn't that horrible?  I should be happy and love everyone.  I don't.  I do love buying gifts for my nieces and seeing them all excited and finding the right gift for family is fun.  But the rest really sucks.    FAIL!

Ya know, I reread my posts and I say to myself... wow you are bitchy and sound horrible.  But this is reality people.  REALITY!  Which means things can suck and you can be unhappy.  That is ok.  However back to the top... Just because today is terrible doesn't mean tomorrow will be too.  So chin up!!!  I tell myself that and I want to hit myself in the jaw... I don't do it, but I so could.

So what is the out come... a total of 10 holidays listed and 3 wins, and 7 fails... ouch.  I was looking for more of a 50/50 split.. that didn't happen and I only used some holidays.

I can't stop the holidays nor do I really want to.  However I really want people to be aware that for some the holidays, all of them, are not fun.  It is a struggle to get by.  We don't like the build up to the holiday or the day itself.  We do appreciate the no work though... Thanks for that.

Father's day was yesterday.  I was lucky to be able to see my dad for awhile.  I do know that my husband struggled with the day just like I do with mother's day.  We are different people; I would talk your ear off about how the holiday makes me feel.  Jeff, not so much.  He just wanted to rest and be alone.  That is ok.  He should have whatever time and whatever space he needs.  He knows I am here for him no matter what.

So that is the holidays for this infertile person.

Before I go I wanted to share something.  I have heard from a number of people not only about my blog here, but also about my openness with infertility.  Some say I am brave to say it the way it is, and others thank me for being open about something they are dealing with and don't feel they can be open about.  I want to thank them for reading, and supporting me.  Your kind words give me strength when I have run out.  People come out of the woodwork to tell me how they went through the same thing or something similar.  I am always shocked.  You know why?  They never said anything.  I totally understand why.  It is so very personal.  We had one of our close relatives question us and say that we shouldn't share this.  My response was, "Damn right I am going to tell people.  I will tell anyone that will listen.  If you don't want to listen then don't."  They don't, they unfriended me on Facebook and never say a word about it.  That is ok with me.  Some people share and some don't.  So my honest thoughts on this are as follows... if you want to share, then do it.  Don't care who is going to be offended or who you might upset.  That is their problem.  If you want to keep it to yourself and deal with it on that level, then do that.  There is no right or wrong way to do this.  Just one day at time.  That is all we can do.  Keep breathing and keep walking.